Mission: Procrastinate

Since going back to freelancing, I’ve inevitably found myself with longer stretches of spare time between assignments. Logically, I should use this downtime to actively find more work and keep my writing senses sharp. But no. Apparently I’ve reverted to a teenage mindset whereby I think if I don’t look at random shit on the Internet, I’ll miss something and die.

Here’s some of my favourite shit from recent excursions:

Pinstrosity – If you don’t use Pinterest, then you’re probably sensible, because it gives you the biggest delusions of grandeur ever known. According to my boards, I could be a DIY goddess that travels the world and comes out with witty one liners while effortlessly quaffing wine. Pinstrosity exposes the reality of of trying to make pins happen. And it’s catastrophically hilarious.

Dogs who think they are Christmas Trees – Come the fuck on, who wouldn’t want a canine tree festooned with hundreds of dazzling fairy lights? It almost makes me want to go out and buy a puppy, because trying to decorate our cats usually results in multiple lacerations that don’t heal quickly.

The ‘Go Home You Are Drunk’ Meme – Because inanimate objects are hysterically funny when they’re inebriated.

Silly Jacuzzi. Cannot handle its drink.

The Mean Girls tag on Tumblr – Because it’s ALWAYS appropriate to quote Mean Girls. Use this one with caution though, I may have offended at least three people at the receiving end of “Boo, you whore”.

I feel it’s prudent to point out I haven’t been a complete Internet nutter. I DID manage to make some Ninja Turtle arm warmers.

They’re not creepy. They’re CUTE.

Never one to miss out on a bit of shameless self promotion – I can make more of these. Buy them from me. It makes sense.

But until I get an order, I’ll be shamelessly trawling Reddit for disgustingly twisted shit that will cause me to wipe my internet search history like a paranoid teen boy.